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hey guys, i have stopped blogging here indefinitely.
i do still press over at my other one.
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God help me. jesus, i need you more than anything right now.
i’m being a unfilial selfish hyprocritcal bastard.
jesus, i’m being an asshole.
jesus, i’m being paranoid.
jesus, i’m being stupid.
jesus, i’m being utterly fickle.
i love you. stand with me please?
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i’m sorry i have neglected you so much.
but now i come to you.
i come to you now, i need you. i need your help. i need your wisdom, your will for me.
i need it.
i’m sorry i’m like this.
scold me, slap me, reprimand me, anything. if you just help me with this. but of course, you won’t do all that.
i dont know what i’m supposed to do right now. am i cheating somebody because of this? but can i help it? can i force myself to do or feel something i don’t feel like feeling or doing?
can i play pop when what i really want to play is metal?
its the same shit.
what should i do.
dont tell me to follow my heart, or that i have my own free will.
i want you to tell what i should do, that is according to Your will. oh wait, don’t tell me this doesn’t fall in there?
i dont know anymore.
you’re telling me the answer.
or at least, i think i know the answer.
but i dont know if it’s just me or You.
i know what i want. it’s selfish.
but what do You want of me? is such matters so trivial that you won’t show me something? something that will take away this feeling of guilt that has wracked me?
i hope to hear from you, anytime, anywhere. just, please, let it be soon.
larris
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suddenly i find myself stuck.
i’m caring too much, once again. and this is why i always get hurt for small reasons.
my mom says i have a careless attitude, some people say i don’t care enough.
but then again, i guess i care for the wrong things.
its a really dangerous thing, caring for the wrong stuff. you find yourself somewhere, somehow unable to do certain things and say certain stuff, and when it ends, you see that in the end, only you were the one who got hurt.
is it a good thing to care so much for someone you dont really know yet?
how much can you care for a person without getting hurt?
or perhaps, caring is about getting hurt.
in any case.
i still get hurt from caring too much, about things that are not important.
about people who havent done much for me. and yet neglecting those who have sacrificed more for me.
and its so hard to let go. the whole incident with that old friend, had me caring and getting hurt, again and again and again and again. to what end? only for me to realize that in the end, friendships don’t last forever. and what is lost is lost, and that you should just move on.
“friends can be found, dont mope on and on about those you lost.”
“best friends can be strangers, and strangers can be best friends.”
“friends today, enemies tomorrow.”
shit.
perhaps i should just stop being so extrovertal. cos its taking a huge chunk out of me. even though its who i really am.
people who just wana know me because i make them laugh, or because i make them feel good about themselves, or girls who use me because they’re going through a rough patch? (not saying i’m hot or anything) these people. who are they?
who are they.
but somehow, i cant bring myself to just let go.
hot damn.
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hey there.
check out my other blog, which is more about analysis and thoughts.
it was for school originally, but i have a feeling i’d post more there than here.
not that i dont wana speak to you, jesus. dont get me wrong.
http://thisisforschool.wordpress.com
check it out, and comment.
larris
Filed under: random
hello jesus, and all my friends who read this.
so, i’m going for yet another orientation camp tomorrow, halfway packed and jumbled thoughts.
anyway, i know i havent been around much the past few days, weeks.
and perhaps this blog is how i keep in contact with some of my friends. its pretty sad, how i dont have much time. and how i’m so poor at managing my time.
well, what am i to say really? when a meet a new person, chances are, you get totally infatuated with him/her and want to spend as much time as possible with them, discovering them.
sad to say, once you know all you have to, you dont need them anymore.
i’m going to be meeting alot of new people tomorrow.
grant me the grace to not judge, and to be myself with everyone around me.
and also. school’s starting soon, this means even lesser time to catch up with the important ones.
sigh. like majorly.
i’m still contemplating this new play. if i join it, its going to take up ALOT of my time. and i still dont know how school is going to be like. according to stefan, weekends are a goner. and it doenst help that half the rehearsals are on a sunday.
at this rate i can forget bout kickboxing. perhaps i’ll join a photography club.
i’ve been recently bitten by the lomography bug, and i want to get a holga. so i’m gonna start saving for that.
i’ll talk to you soon. be with everyone at amp this fri, esp anne marie. God knows she could use all the help she can get.
now, back to packing(:
larris
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hey there jesus!
i’m back!!!!
like so finally.
anyway, i’ll update you on the camp soon. i’ve gotta go to church in a bit so i dont wana do a rush job.
me being me, i didnt take any photos individually with anyone, but i hope i can find some with my face in it.
perhaps a video?made lots of friends, had lots of fun, and the realization has become concrete: larris is fat.
love you.
larris
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hello.
here’s a link to my latest video, its different from the previous post.
i did another one.
anyway, i’ll be in camp for the next four days.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LswYnNSq40Q
call write, whatever.
larris
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qniv2IyaGcY
new video everyone.
watch, rate, comment… oh come on, you know the drill already.
larris
